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Waiting Around in Bathrooms

It’s possible that I spend about the same amount of time loitering in the bathroom as George Michael does.

My kid is on an, um, “evacuation” schedule that coincides with dinner time, so inevitably at a restaurant, just when my meal arrives, so too does the time for me to hang out in the crapper staring at ceiling tiles or discussing Scooby Doo episodes.

I am considering ordering one of these stainless steel room service plate covers to tote to restaurants. $49 (with plate), newyorkfirst.com.

Thanks to paranoia around up-skirt videos and the like, I can’t break out the cell phone to read the news online, and, as we know, taking a magazine into the washroom is also a no-no. So, I’m thinking of developing a sideline business designing commercial bathrooms.

Maybe I’ll make my fortune offering consults on “the mom-friendly public washroom,” say, touch-screen web surfing on stall walls (at eye level, so the little ones don’t get to watch too, thereby losing their concentration), or complimentary work stations tucked into the corner of a “family stall.” Maybe a small manicure station.

Of course, when you got back to your dinner table 15 minutes later, your meal would be waiting on the table under one of those metal room-service dinner cloches, and it would still be warm.